Tag Archives | grief

Hello From Outer Space – Keeping A Self Care Practice

How a daily self care practice might save you when big changes or grief hit in your life.

My friend Andrea shared a story on her blog last week titled, “One day you’re a dog, the next day your are in space.” It is about how sometimes your life pivots on a dime and you find yourself headed in a direction that that is unexpected and uncharted. Her story was about deciding to leave her marriage, and not being sure of that step until the second the words came out of her mouth.

My story is about a phone call I got at the end of April, when the doctor on the other end of the line said, “I’m sorry. The test results show that the biopsy is consistent with cancer.”

Boom. Outer space.

If you’ve ever been diagnosed with cancer or been close to someone who has, you’ll know that the next few weeks of my life quickly filled up with doctor’s appointments, tests, research, planning, and many many tears and bouts of anxiety. In many ways those weeks were the very hardest part of this journey so far. So much was unknown, so much was scary. I had to face my own mortality and decide how I was going to stand in that place and also move forward.…

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Mama Grief: Claim Your Right To Heal

So your baby is healthy, but you are still sad? Claim your right to heal, no matter what you are grieving. :: www.nurturedmama.net

I originally wrote this piece as a guest post on Modern Alternative Pregnancy in 2013. Writing it was cathartic and healing, but around Bean’s birthday, which is this week, wisps of this old sadness still rise. I hope sharing it again here will give some mama somewhere permission to voice and heal her grief, whatever that looks like for her. 

I cried when I came home from the hospital with my newborn daughter. I walked through our rooms, cleaned and prepared for us by my sister and my best friend, and sobbed. They had washed and put away the dishes. They brought a bouquet of flowers that nearly filled our dining room table. They put the red silk comforter back on our bed and deflated and put away the birthing tub that I never got to use.

Our daughter was supposed to be born there, delivered into warm water and surrounded by candles. I wanted her father to catch her body and bring her to my breast. I wanted the soothing music I had carefully selected.

So your baby is healthy, but you are still sad? Claim your right to heal, no matter what you are grieving. :: www.nurturedmama.net

 

Instead, on the morning of my third day of labor, when I was still only dilated 3 cm, exhausted and scared, we sat with our midwife and came up with a new plan.…

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Preparing to Conceive After A Miscarriage

Ways to help your body and soul heal after a miscarriage before you decide to try to conceive again. :: www.nurturedmama.netI originally wrote this post in 2013 for Modern Alternative Pregnancy, where I was a contributing writer. I wanted to share it again here, because I think these healing steps are so important (and often overlooked). 

This summer I sat on an exam table in an ER in Denver and heard a phrase I had hoped never to hear: “I’m very sorry, but we can’t find a heartbeat.”

I was in the ER after a car accident, where they confirmed that I was only bruised, not badly injured, but that the baby I was carrying had died perhaps a week earlier, at nine weeks gestation. The doctor called it a “missed miscarriage,” which is when the fetus has died but the mother’s body hasn’t yet shown any of the usual signs of miscarriage such as cramping or bleeding. My body still felt pregnant, but the baby was gone.

I declined the Misoprostol and D&C and flew home to let my body complete the process naturally. It took another couple of weeks, a round of acupuncture and Chinese herbs and a dramatic onslaught of bleeding before the fetus finally passed from my body.

Several months have now passed and I have learned a great deal about how to heal both the body and the heart after the loss of a pregnancy.…

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You Are Not A Dumbhead

You are not a dumbhead; how to handle being angry at the universe. :: www.nurturedmama.net

The other day, driving home from the store, Bean announced from the backseat, “Bella* called me a dumbhead.”

I looked up to the mirror sharply to see if she was laughing or hurt about this little bit of information. Bella is her best friend who she goes to daycare with and their friendship has being going through a rocky transition recently. Bean was looking out the side window, holding her water bottle loosely balanced on her thigh. Definitely hurt.

I bit down my initial mama bear response and tried to keep my voice even. “Why do you think she called you that?”

“We were fighting. She was wanted the toy and I wouldn’t let go.”

“That’s not a nice thing to call somebody, even when you are mad at them. How did it make you feel when she called you that?”

“Mad. I yelled at her.”

Poor Bella. My girl has a big voice. She’s yelled in my face a few times and it is kind of scary.

Sometimes I envy Bean being 3 and not having all the social filters for her emotions in place yet. On one hand, it makes being blindsided by your best friend calling you a mean name really painful.…

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