How do I begin?
How do I balance this desire to cast my urgent voice into the world against knowing that what I want to write about is mothering well, and with intention, attention and focus, when making space to write means possibly cutting corners on those very things? How do I balance my belief that mothers must feed their own souls with the knowledge that to make space to feed mine, I must make sacrifices in my home and with my family? How do I decide what those sacrifices will be? How do I make peace with the burning need to achieve something for myself, to stretch and engage my brain beyond this world of new motherhood and the day-to-day demands of my child and the household that I am responsible for? How do I walk that line day to day? And how do I offer you any advice on how to do that well when I don’t really know how to do it myself?
The seed of this blog settled into my consciousness much like my daughter’s first cells settled into my womb. Both were unexpected, and were not on the path I thought I was setting out on. But in both cases, once I opened my heart to the possibility, I was deeply committed. For days at a time I could walk around without really thinking about it, and then suddenly the idea I was carrying, just like the babe I had carried secretly in my belly for many weeks, seemed so urgent and important and life changing and I wanted to tell everyone I happened across. I was scared to bring it forth, but also I couldn’t wait.
When I was pregnant I had no idea who my daughter would be, who she would look like or what her voice would sound like. I had hopes for her, but I know enough to hold them lightly, for she would be her own person, whatever I desire for her. I could not have imagined the brilliant, funny, vibrant and delightful person she is becoming.
I have no idea what this blog will unfold into. I hope it will be a journey of discovery, for me and for you, too. I hope that it will be a community, a place of sharing and common support. I hope that my ideas and struggles and stories will help you feel less alone with yours, and I hope that you will share your stories and struggles and ideas with me. I hope that we will learn from each others successes and failures and grow together into better people and better parents.
I hope that you will join me here and that we will all look back some day to say that we could not have imagined how vibrant and delightful this would become.
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