Top 10 things you can let go of today
Every day you have more things on your list than you can possibly accomplish. But you try anyway, fueled by a regular stream of coffee. And then you get to the end of the day and haven’t finished all of it, and you feel like a failure.
But what have you failed at, really? You failed to completed a too-long list? You failed to meet unreasonable expectations? You failed to be super human?
Most of us grew up with some version of this message: Better, faster, more. We were expected to achieve more than whoever came before us, do more work in less time, be happier, live bigger, and (if we are women), take care of everyone who needs us without breaking a sweat.
I don’t know about you, but I feel tired just reading that paragraph. That line of expectations is exhausting.
What if instead of racing to exceed expectations, feeling guilty and never quite good at anything, we leaned in to our own inner voices about what we really want in our lives and how we want to live them?
The first step is letting go of a lot of things you are doing today and probably don’t even realize you are doing.
Top ten things you can let go of today
Social Media
I believe that social media is the #1 cause of you feeling bad about your life. There are so many factors in this, but the biggest one are that we are all very busy putting our best selves on Facebook and Instagram, so whatever you are looking at an believing about someone else’s is highly curated and barely real (and sometimes not real at all).
There’s a very simple solution here: Turn it off. At least turn it down. Take Facebook off your phone. Unfollow everyone in Instagram who makes you feel less than. Notice your feelings when you are scrolling, and as soon as you start to feel ick turn it off and go do something else. Set time limits on your devices so you only spend an hour or less a day out there in social media land.
I know this is easy to say and harder to do (I have to manage myself on this topic every day!). But if you are feeling overwhelmed, judged, not good enough - start here.
2. Clutter
Clutter had a negative effect on your life. And kids + a busy life almost always equals a certain degree of clutter. So letting go of some of the clutter - whether that is on your kitchen counter or the worries cluttering up your brain - is worth it.
For a more in-depth look at how to reduce mental clutter in your life, check out this Nurturing Habit podcast episode about using Marie Kondo’s Tidying Up methods in your life.
3. Comparison
Do you compare yourself constantly to the people around you? Do you look at other moms on the school yard and compare your outfit, your hair, the obedience level of your child, and your perception of her marriage to yours?
Whether you are judging her or worried that she’s judging you, cut that out. It is not helpful to you, and whatever you are observing in her is a partial picture and may very well be incorrect.
4. Parenting Guilt
There are aproximately 17,947 experts out there trying to make a buck by telling you how to parent. Some of them are sharing good, and well-meaning information. But that doesn’t mean that it is necessarily right for you, and it doesn’t mean that however you are parenting right now is wrong.
There is a line between growing your parenting skills from a place of self-awareness and beating yourself up with every new parenting trend that hits the news. If you are worrying about whether you are a good mom, you probably already are.
5. Rehashing
Are you still thinking about that awkward conversation you had with your daughter’s teacher last week? The stupid argument you had with your spouse in the kitchen three days ago? That time you embarrassed yourself in front of that other mom who you really want to be friends with by spilling your coffee all over your shirt? Are you still pissed about that one rude cashier at Target last month who gave you a hassle about a return?
Let it all go. What would you rather be spending your mental energy on - random five minute encounters that are long behind you, or what you are doing right now, in this moment? Practice the art of letting go.
6. Goals That No Longer Fit
Are the goals you are chasing really taking you where you want to go? It is a good idea to re-evaluate your goals often to make sure they still fit the life you want to create. There’s no shame in quitting things, when they aren’t taking you where you want to go!
For more on how to set goals that fit the life you really want, listen to this Nurturing Habit episode.
7. Fighting With Fear
You can’t really get rid of fear, in spite of what all those confidence-building memes on Pinterest might say. Real courage is feeling your fear and taking action anyway. So if you have been spending a lot of energy trying to eradicate your fear, let that go.
Learn more about how to act from a place of courage in this interview with Kate Swoboda, author of the book The Courage Habit, in episode 47 of Nurturing Habit.
8. Regret
We all have places where we made a choice, and later questioned ourselves (poetry has been written about it!). There is huge value in reviewing out past actions and determine which ones we might do differently, in hindsight.
However, there is not huge value in falling into regret about things we did in the past that we cannot change. Make the choice to learn from the decision, and then move on. How can you do better or differently in the future? If you need to make amends, do so, but let go of the regret.
9. Doing It All
It is not possible for you to do everything you might want to do, or that even that you feel you should do. We live in a culture that puts an incredible amount of expectation on mothers, and a lot of is in conflicting. So let go of the idea that you can “do it all” whatever “all” is.
Instead, take a good look at what is important to you and your family, and focus on those things. You can get a surprising amount of things accomplished, just by being focused and really clear on what is most important to you!
10. Worry That Someone Is Judging You
We are social creatures. Our brains our wired to help us fit in with the tribe. But influences like the media and social media have created a situation where that natural inclination to fit in can go haywire, and drown us in worry and anxiety about how other people view us or accept us.
The reality is, other people may well be judging you. And that judgment almost always comes form their own insecurities and fears. It isn’t actually about you. So let go of worrying what others think of you and focus on building the life that works best for your family instead.
The first step to creating a life that feels easy and joyful
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